Super Villain Cover Letter (A Flash Fiction Piece)
To Whom/What It May Concern:
I am applying for the position of Lead Torturer in your Destruction League Headquarters. I have attached my resume and accompanying media for your review.
I am going to have to put some of the photos enclosed into perspective. First off, I want you to know that despite the amount of blood in the first four photos, I am very well organized and neat individual. I cleaned that room up in less than twenty minutes and held another subject in there within the hour. I have a turnover rate of 15 victims per day, which I believe meets your postings requirement of 10 VPD. I am also a trained surgeon with 6+ years in hostile organ removal.
My equipment needs are very minimal, as I like to work with my own tools. I hold the patents to seven devices, many of them designed for victims with higher pain thresholds and are well within Good Torture Practices.
I have included a video with some of my freelance work. As you can see, the subject was able to clearly speak while being bored in twelve different locations by mini-drills (one of my creations). The meat hooks were specially designed by me to inflict the maximum amount of pain while reducing the tear on the skin.
I am highly motivated and willing to work in any environment, and I am also incredibly independent. I normally work out a a refrigerated eighteen-wheeler, but I can accommodate to working in a more permanent environment. Supervision under one of the senior partners is preferred. If I am handed off to middle management I will not hesitate in flaying them.
My references will be more than enough to help you make your consideration. Due to the nature of my work, most of these people know me by different names. The Crimson Death Squad knew me as Evisceraptor, while the Morgue Group put “Flay Master” on all my checks. Most places will know who you are talking about if you mention Percy, though.
I hope to hear from you soon.